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Sunday, September 27, 2009

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Never Argue with a Reading Woman

Never Argue with a Woman

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside Cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.  Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out..
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, And begins to read her book.

The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'

'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?')

'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.

'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.

'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

Send this to four women who are thinkers.

If you receive this, you know you're intelligent.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Fwd: BALAIAH'S Dialogues in English-Enjoy


MINDBLOWING: BALAIAH'S Dialogues in English
 
1) U can study and get any certificates. But u
cannot get ur death certificate


2) U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u
 
sneeze u ll say HUTCH
 


3 ) U can bcome an engineer if u study in
 
engineering college. U cannot bcom a president if
u studies in Presidency College


 
4 ) U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... u
 
cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop



5) A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a
 
software engineer cannot bcom a software



6 ) U can find tea in teacup. But cannot find world
 
in world cup
 


7) U can find keys in Keyboard but u cannot find mother in motherboard.


       


cid:9.552006539@web8407.mail.in..yahoo.com
WHY DID I OPEN THIS MAIL

Yoga vs Whisky....

Yoga vs whisky:


Pic 1: It takes years of practice to do this asana.

 
 



 
 
Pic2: It takes only 8 pegs of whiskey to do the above asana.



so why practice. just have whisky

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Fwd: Google suggestions for Indians and Americans

It raised my curiosity so much that I actually went and tried. And found it correct.

Check this out in google… Funny
Google Suggestions for Indians and Americans

Friday, September 11, 2009

Okhil Babu's letter to the Railway Department


Okhil Babu's letter to the Railway Department: read till the end

"I am arrive by passenger train Ahmedpur station and my belly is too
much swelling with jackfruit. I am therefore went to privy. Just I
doing the nuisance and that guard making whistle blow for train to go
off and I am running with 'lotah' in one hand and 'dhoti' in the next
when I am fall over and expose all my shocking to man and female women
on plateform. I am got leaved at Ahmedpur station.

This too much bad, if passenger go to make dung that damn guard not
wait train five minutes for him. I am therefore pray your honour to
make big fine on that guard for public sake. Otherwise I am making big
report to papers."


Okhil Chandra Sen wrote this letter to the Sahibganj divisional
railway office in 1909. It is on display at the Railway Museum in New
Delhi . It was also reproduced under the caption "Travelers' Tales" in
the Far Eastern Economic Review.

Any guesses why this letter was of historic value?

It apparently led to the introduction of toilets on trains!!

Its not what you think it is!!

cid:image001.jpg@01CA25D9.96135220

 


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Old Guy at the Beach!

Old Guy at the Beach!รก
 
 
 


 


 

Gujarati - Funeral

A family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother (Ba) arrived from the US .
It was sent by one of the daughters.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid;
they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,

I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of
our ancestral home in GUJARAT . Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, cans of cheese,10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of
Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.

On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan.
There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

Ba is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

The 2 new Jeans that Ba is wearing are for the boys.The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on Ba's left wrist.

Shanta masi, Ba is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.
The 6 white cotton socks that Ba is wearing must be divided among my nephews..

Please distribute all these fairly.

PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days.

Sachin Tendulkars New House- Bandra

The Sachin Tendulakars  New House(Shell house at Bandra)Mumbai

Architect: Javier Senosiain


Location
: Bandra- Mumbai-India

Nautilus


Light
, colour and shape

Interior garden


Fluidity of space


Shell


Path


A poetry of space


The
TV Room

Bathroom


Kitchen


Detail


Bedroom

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

How to identify which part of India is it?

HOW TO IDENTIFY DIFFERENT CITIES OF INDIA.

Scenario 1
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, then a fourth and they
start arguing about who's right.
You are in Kolkata
 
Scenario 2
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along, sees them and walks on.
That's "Amchi Mumbai"... busy place dude...
 
Scenario 3
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes along & tries to make peace...
The first two get together & beat him up.
That's Delhi
 
Scenario 4
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A guy comes along and
quietly opens a chai-stall
That's Ahmedabad
 
Scenario 5
Two guys are fighting and a third guy comes. He Writes a software program to
stop the fight..... But the fight doesn't stop b'cos of a bug in the program.
That's Bangalore .
 
Scenario 6
Two guys are fighting. A crowd gathers to watch. A Guy comes along and
quietly say that "AMMA" Doesn't Like all this nonsense. Peace comes in.
That's Chennai.
 
Scenario 7
Two guys are fighting. Both of them take time out and call their friends on
their mobiles. Now 50 guys are fighting.
You are DEFINITELY IN PUNJAB !!!
 
Scenario 8
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes from nearby house. And says " dont
fight in front of my place, go somewhere else and keep fighting".
That's Kerala !!
 
And the best one is here....
 
Scenario 9
Two guys are fighting. Third guy comes along with a carton of beer. On seeing the beer they stop fighting .
All sit together drinking beer and abusing each other and all go home as friends..
You are in Goa

Pukka Sindhi !!

A  Sindhi phones a dentist to enquire about the cost for a Tooth  extraction..
 
 " Rs5000 for an extraction, Sir" the dentist replied.
 
"Rs5000!!!  Benha lakh lalat vijhe... Have you not got anything  cheaper?"
 
"That's the normal charge," said the dentist.
 
"Naarmal?!!! What about if you did not use any anesthetic?"
 
"That's unusual, sir, but I could do it and knock Rs 1500 off and it would be quite painful !!
 
" Are beehna...Whaaat about if you used one of your dentist trainees and still without an anesthetic?"
 
 "I can't  guarantee their professionalism and it may be extremely painful, but the  price could drop to Rs 2000".
 
" Suttho Sutho...How about if you make it a training session, and your Satudent do the extraction with the
 other satudents waatching and learning ?
 
 "It'll be good for the students", mulled the dentist. "but you must understand that it's going to be very  traumatic
as well as really really painful, but I'll charge you Rs 500."
 
 "Arre wah!!!, now you are taalking!!!! ! !  Daadho suttho deal aahe !!! daaho suttho (It's a great deal)," said the Sindhi. 
"Can you immeejaietly confirm an appaintment for my wife next Tuesday then?"

Monday, September 7, 2009

Difference between Potentiality and Reality

Difference between  Potentiality and Reality
 
Youngest Son: "Tell me  Daddy, what is the difference between 'Potentially'
and  'reality'?"
Dad: "I will show you".

Dad turns to his wife and  asks her: "Would you sleep with Bill Gates for 1
million  dollars"?
Wife: "Yes of course! I would never waste such an  opportunity"!

Then Dad asks his daughter, if she  would sleep with Brad Pitt for 1 Million
dollars?
Daughter: "Wow!  Yes! He is my fantasy!"

Then Dad turns to his elder son and asks  him: "Would you sleep with, Tom
Cruise for 1 million dollars"?
Elder  Son: "Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million Dollars!
I  would never hesitate!"

So the father turns back to his younger son  saying: "You see son,
Potentially we are sitting on 3 million dollars,  but in 'Reality'
We are living with 2 prostitutes and 1  gay.


Friday, September 4, 2009

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?
Put about 100 bricks in any particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 5 or 6 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are still counting and recounting the bricks. Put them in the Accounts department.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in Engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in Production Planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in Operations .
If they are sleeping. Put them in Security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in IT.
If they are sitting idle till you say what to do. Put them in HR.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in Sales.
And then last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved. Congratulate them and put them in Top Managementt