Saturday, March 6, 2010

enjoyable motivational talk

Dear Employees,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees.. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Supervisor, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.


PS Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Legal and Logical

After having failed his exam in  "Logistics and Organization", a student goes and confronts his lecturer about  it.

Student, "Sir, do you really understand anything about the  subject?"

Professor, "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a  professor!"

Student, "Great, well then I would like to ask you a  question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and  go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an 'A' for the  exam."

Professor, "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the  question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not  legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard  consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore  changes his exam mark into an 'A', as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor  calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately  answers, "Sir, you are 53 years old and married to a 23 years old woman, which is  legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old
lover, which is logical, but  not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A', although he  really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."