Things That Will Make You Feel Old

                   30 Things That Will Make You Feel Old –

 

1. Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge was released 16 years ago.

2. Windows XP was released TEN years ago, in 2001.

3. The "new" Millennium is more than a decade old.

4. Chetan Bhagat's antics have been around for the past 7 years!

5. Pierce Brosnan last acted as James Bond 9 years ago.

6. The Delhi Metro has been running for 9 Years now.

7. It's been 10 years since 9/11

8. The Matrix came out 12 years ago, Keanu Reeves is 46 today

9. Mother Theresa and Lady Diana have been dead for 14 years.

10. This happened a whopping 17 years ago.

Yes, they are old, too!

11. Remember Jungle Book on Doordarshan? That was more than 15 years ago.

12. Macaulay Culkin is 30 today. "Home Alone" came out over 20 years ago.

13. Terminator 2 is 20 years old. Edward Furlong who portrayed kid John Connor is 33 now.

14. Sean Connery is 80 years old and retired.

15. The youngest Spice Girl is 35, the oldest Backstreet Boy 39, Gwen Stefani is 41, Madonna 52

16. The first Harry Potter book came out when I was in High School. 14 years ago!

17. The first season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S was aired 17 years ago! Age of the cast:

18. Remember these Guys?

19. Akshay Kumar is older than the moon landing – He was born in 1967

20. Arnold Schwarzenegger is older than India. He was born in June 1947

21. 'Kids' born in 1993 can legally drive, drink and vote this year.

Where are my car keys, bob?

22. Jurassic Park is older than Justin Bieber.

23. Justin Bieber. Rebecca Black. Miley Cyrus.

24. Rajiv Gandhi has been dead for 20 years.

25. Bryan Adams' cult song "Summer of 69″ was released 26 years ago.

26. Kids whom you remember in their diapers posting their pics on Facebook

Not like this, though.

27. Facebook has been around for 7 years. Orkut for 9.

Fraandshipping since 2002

28. Remember the little girl from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai? She is 23 now.

29. The Maruti Zen was first introduced 18 years ago.

30. And of course, the Rasna Girl. She is all grown up as well!

Nandan's Dream

Nandan Nilekani's dream - how the national ID card will work on the ground............

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's he..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal
Vayu.....Your home number is 2x26xxxx, your office 250xxxxx and your
mobile is 09xxxxxxxx. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the
National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The
total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October
last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your
housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano
car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."

Customer: " ?"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're
also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July
2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]

Interesting - Complete vs. Finished

No English dictionary has been able to explain the difference between the words 'COMPLETE' Vs 'FINISHED' in a way that's so easy to understand:

When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.

When you marry the wrong one,you are FINISHED.

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,you are COMPLETELY FINISHED! :

Maria & Arnold

 Subject: Maria & Arnold

 Arnold Schwarzenegger had this little misunderstanding because English isn't his native language.

 He told Maria that the Housekeeper wants a raise. Maria said, "Screw her."

Any simple-minded semi-literate Austrian could have made the same mistake.
  

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Technology

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion
that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years
ago.


 So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug
 200 meters and the headlines in the US papers read:
 'US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have
 concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital
 telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.'



 One week later, Indian daily newspapers reported the following:
 'After digging as deep as 500 meters, Indian scientists have found
 absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their
 ancestors were already using Bluetooth and Wireless technology...

 

Capitalist or Socialist?

Capitalist or Socialist?

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college.

Like so many others her age group in college, she considered herself to be very liberal, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch conservative, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a typical liberal professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father.

He responded by asking how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?" She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over."

Her wise father asked his daughter, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA."

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea, how would that be fair! I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!"

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the capitalist side of the fence."

If anyone has a better explanation of the difference between capitalist and socialist or progressive or neocon I'm all ears. If you ever wondered what side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a capitalist doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a socialist doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a capitalist is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a socialist is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a capitalist is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a socialist is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a capitalist is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A socialist wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a capitalist doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Socialist demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a capitalist is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A socialist non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.(Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)

If a capitalist decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A socialist demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a capitalist reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A socialist will delete it because he's "offended".

SARDARs Revealed..................

SARDARs Revealed..................

Interviewer:
what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR

Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it? 
Sardar replyed: -P-O-S-T-B-O- X.


After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife,
Do I look like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?


One tourist from U.S.A. asked Sardar:
Any great man born in this village???
Sardar: no sir, only small Babies!!!


Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.


When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver
adjusted the mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my
wife? Sit behind. I will drive.


Interviewer: just imagine youare on the3rd floor, it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination! !!

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.


Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new


Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!


Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White


Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.


Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"


Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...! !!


Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE