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Monday, June 13, 2011

Nandan's Dream

Nandan Nilekani's dream - how the national ID card will work on the ground............

Operator
 : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer
:
 "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator
 : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer:
 "It's he..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator
 : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal
Vayu.....Your home number is 2x26xxxx, your office 250xxxxx and your
mobile is 09xxxxxxxx. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer:
 "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator
 : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer
: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator
 
: "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer:
 "How come?"

Operator
 : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer:
 "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator :
 "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer:
 "How do you know for sure?"

Operator
 : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the
National Library last week Sir"

Customer
: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?"

Operator
 : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The
total is Rs 500.00"

Customer
: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator :
 "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October
last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your
housing loan, Sir.."

Customer
: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator
 : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer:
 "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator
 : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer:
 " What!"

Operator
 : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano
car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."

Customer:
 " ?"

Operator
 : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer:
 "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator
 : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're
also diabetic....... "

Customer
: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator
 : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July
2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer
: [Faints]

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