Thursday, April 7, 2011

Fries, A Coke, And An Ostrich

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad, says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say..'

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

my joke better that Ambani Bhai


Indian tales !!!
 
Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner.....who lives with a girl
roommate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't
help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been
suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her
more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she
started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than
met the eye.

Reading his
 mom's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I know what you must be
thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.
" About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver plate.
 You don't suppose
she took it, do you?"
Kumar said ,"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mother:

I'm not saying that you 'did' take the silver plate from my house,
I'm not saying that you 'did not' take
 
the silver plate.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that
you 'do not' sleep with Sunita.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she
would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow...

Love,
Mom.

 
Lesson of the day:
Don't Lie to Your Mother...........especially if she is Indian!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

THE FAMOUS RAJNIKANT!!

Rajnikant was bragging to Amitabh Bachchan one day, 
"You know, I know everyone. 
Just name someone, anyone, 
and I know them. 

Tired of his boasting, Amitabh wanted to call his bluff, 
"OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?" 

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said. 

So Rajini and Amitabh fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, 

And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts: --- 

"Thalaiva! Great to see you! 
You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!" 


...Although impressed, Amitabh is still skeptical. 

After they leave Cruise's house, 
he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was Just lucky. 

"No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says 

.."President Obama", Amitabh quickly retorts 

..."Yes", Rajini says, 
"I know him." 

And off they go. 

At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying :---- 

"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, 
but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up". 


Well, Amitabh Bachchan is much shaken by now, 
but still not totally convinced. 

After they leave the White House grounds, 
he implores him to name anyone else. 

"The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies 

..."Sure!" says Rajini, 
"My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time". 

Rajini and Amitabh are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, 

"This will never work. 
I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. 
Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." 

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican .. 
Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony. 

But by the time Rajini returns, 
he finds that Amitabh Bachchan has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. 
Working his way to Amitabh Bachchan's side, 

Rajini asks him, 
"What happened?" 

Amitabh Bachan looks up and says, 

"I was doing fine until you and the pope came out on the balcony 
and the Italian man next to me asked, 

* 

"Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?" 

  
Well….. 

Hospital Chart Bloopers

Hospital Chart Bloopers . . . ultimate type-o's


HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual writings from hospital charts)

1 . The patient refused autopsy.  I would too  if I had my choice!!!

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to
be depressed.

8 The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.  hmmm

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.  They have said that about me too

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 
(OMG!  that is some examination)


18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life,
until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.  OMG I wonder what that means lol

22 The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.  Thank God for that Lol

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. Hmmm???? 
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities..  lol  I can relate to that….

Monday, April 4, 2011

Attitude!!! Heart touching!!!!!!

   'Attitude  Is  Everything...'  
Have  you ever seen a more
 
beautiful  smile  than  this one?
Just  when you think,  
"I'm  having  a bad day",  check out this little   guy!
 
 
 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
   
 
Anything  bugging you today?    
Somehow  it just doesn't  
 
seem  so  bad  anymore, does it  ???  

Sunday, April 3, 2011

VERY IMP....EYE OPENER

Hi, Friends,

*Subject: Eye Opener - Must Read*

*Hi,
"Indians are poor but India is not a poor country ". Says one of the swiss
bank directors. He says that "280 lacs crore (280,00,000,000,0000) of Indian
rupees is deposited in swiss banks which can be used for
i.                     'Tax less' budget for 30 yrs.
ii.                   Can give 60 crore jobs to all Indians.
iii.                 From any village to Delhi 4 lane roads
iv.                  Forever free supply to more than 500 social projects
v.                    Every citizen can get monthly 2000/- for 60 yrs.
vi.                  No need of World Bank & IMF loan.


Think how our money is blocked by rich politicians. We have full right
against corrupt politicians. Don't forget CWGames…..Adarsh building
Ghotala…..latest 2g spectrum telecommunication ghotala…. *

*Itna forward karo ki pura INDIA padhe. Take this seriously, you can forward
jokes, then why not this? Be a responsible citizen.*

Friday, April 1, 2011

Ten things to learn from Japan - Post Earthquake / Tsunami / Nuclear reactors

Ten things to learn from Japan & Their People  :-



1. THE CALM

Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.



2. THE DIGNITY

Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.



3. THE ABILITY

The incredible architects, for instance. Several Buildings swayed but didn't fall.



4. THE GRACE

People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.



5. THE ORDER

No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.



6. THE SACRIFICE

Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid ?



7. THE TENDERNESS

Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.



8. THE TRAINING

The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.



9. THE MEDIA

They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.



10. THE CONSCIENCE

When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly!