Re: FW: Guns n potatoes !

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation:

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love, Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram: 
"For Heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!!"

At 4 am the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was: "Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad.. It's the best I could do for you from here."

Moral:

NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART YOU CAN DO IT. IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS

Re: Fw: [forwards4all] Discoveries and Inventions by Men and Women

Men discovered COLORS and invented PAINT,

Women discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Men discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,

Women discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Men discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,

Women discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

Men discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,

Women discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Men discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,

Women discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

Men discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,

Women discovered MONEY and invented SHOPPING.

Thereafter Men have discovered and invented a lot of things…

While Women STUCK to shopping.

WHY INDIANS CAN NEVER BE TERRORISTS

 

TEN  REASONS  WHY  WE  INDIANS  CAN'T  BE  (9/11) TERRORISTS:  



1. We are always late; we would have missed all 4 flights. 

2. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves. 

3. With free food & drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there. 

4. We talk with our hands; therefore we would have to put our weapons down. 

5. We would ALL want to fly the plane.

6. We would argue and start a fight in the plane. 

7. We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before doing it. 

8. We would have put our Country's flag on the wind shield. 

9. We would have postponed the mission because a cricket match was going on that day. 

10. We would have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken with the hostages.   

 

  

New Indian Version of The Ant and the Grasshopper

Old Story: 

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool
and laughs dances plays the summer away. Come winter, the Ant is warm and
well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the
cold.


New Indian Version:

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and
laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool
and laughs dances plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper
next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with
food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor
Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that
Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

Mayawati states this as 'injustice' done on Minorities.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for
not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the
Grasshopper (many promising Heaven & Everlasting Peace for prompt support
as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bengal Bandh' in
West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in
the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and
Grasshoppers.

Mamtha Banerjee  allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway
Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against
Grasshoppers Act'[POTAGA] , with effect from the beginning of the winter..P Chidamabaram calls it Saffron Terrorism and BJP objects to this.

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational
Institutions in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left
to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government
and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV, BBC, CNN.

Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.

CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'

UN general secretary invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.


Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar
company in Silicon Valley ,SM Krishna MEAffairs calls them to set up plants in INDIA.

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere
in India ,

....AND

As a result of losing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the
grasshoppers, India is still a developing country...!!


N.B.:  I have no idea whose creative mind this has come out from, but this piece is awesome.

POLITICAL DISCUSSION !

POLITICAL DISCUSSION

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted

a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend

I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately

30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees,

14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."  "I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with
your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."  "I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are -- or where you are going.

You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea

how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were

in before we met, but somehow, now ...it's my fault!!!"

Nandan's Dream

Nandan Nilekani's dream - how the national ID card will work  on the ground............ Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..." Customer: "Heloo, can I order.." Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?" Customer: "It's he..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610" Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jal Vayu.....Your home number is 2x26xxxx, your office 250xxxxx and your mobile is 09xxxxxxxx. Which number are you calling from now Sir?" Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers? Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir" Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..." Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir" Customer: "How come?" Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir" Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?" Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it" Customer: "How do you know for sure?" Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir" Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?" Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00" Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?" Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.." Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives" Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today" Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?" Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..." Customer: " What!" Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.." Customer: " ?" Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?" Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?" Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... " Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^ Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?" Customer: [Faints] - ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fwd: I beg your indulgence for the size of the attachment, but this is really an extraordinary clip, particularly if you love dance....please read the email first before you open the attachment.. .

This is absolutely amazing and captivating.  

Please: Read the story below before opening the attachment!    This is the story about this dance from the internet. Here is their story... In a Chinese modern dance competition on TV one very unique couple won one of the top prizes.  The lady,in her 30's, was a dancer who had trained since she was a little girl.  Later in life, she lost her entire left arm in an accident and fell into a state of depression for a few years. Someone then asked her to coach a Children's dancing group.  From that point on, she realized that she could not forget dancing.  She still loved to dance and wanted to dance again.  So, she started to do some of her old routines, but, having lost her arm, she had also lost her balance. It took a while before she could even make simple turns and spins without falling. Then she heard of a man in his 20s who had lost a leg in an accident.  He had also fallen into the usual denial, depression and anger type of emotional roller coaster.  But, she was determined to find him and persuade him to dance with her.  He had never danced, and to dance with one leg...are you joking with me? "No way!" But, she didn't give up, and he reluctantly agreed thinking, "I have nothing else to do anyway."  She started to teach him dancing.  The two broke up a few times because he had no concept of using muscle, how to control his body, and knew none of the basic things about dancing.  When she became frustrated and lost patience with him, he would walk out.  Eventually, they came back together and started training seriously. They hired a choreographer to design routines for them.  She would fly high (held by him) with both arms (a sleeve for an arm) flying in the air.  He could bend horizontally supported by one leg with her leaning on him, etc.  In the competition, as you will see, they dance beautifully and they legitimately won the competition." When I watched this I didn't even realize that she was missing an arm because I was focusing on the guy with only one leg.  Really quite amazing!  I became aware that the woman's right arm was missing about 1/4 of the time into the clip.